I think it's fair to say at this point that everyone knows that dating animals is based and awesome and very cool, but I think few of us really take the time to appreciate just how great it is, especially when compared to more traditional human human relationships. So today we wanted to shine a spotlight on not just why dating a dog is great, but some reasons it's objectively better than dating another boring human.
1) They help you exercise
When I ask my human partner "Hey, would you like to go for a run?", nine times out of ten he's going to say no. Nothing against him, he's a fairly fit gent. But life is tiring, and when he gets home from work and just wants to sit down on the couch and eat some crisps, it's hard to motivate him to get up again. A canine partner however, is the exact opposite! Not only will they be the ones to ask you to go out, if you decide to take the couch potato route there are serious ramifications for the health of your flooring or furniture. And while a walk is good and all, dogs need the same level of exercise , and so making sure that they get their running around in often leads to your running around too. Whether that's just a jog down the road, frisbee at the park, or quick dip down at the lake, a canine partner is going to make sure that you're getting your daily exercise in!
2) They're a cheap date
Speaking of getting out, you know what's amazing about dogs? They're relatively easy to please! In this economy, dinner and a movie can cost a full days pay, if not more, and yet that's what human partners might expect. Not everyone ha the money to spend on a weekly date night! If I tried to tell my human partner "this week we're going to a different place for our walk" or "how about we spend an extra hour at the dog park" or "okay this time you can chase the birds to your heart's content" my boyfriend would not find any of those activities to be particularly great as far as a date night goes ut little things like that can mean a lot to a canine partner, and cost very little to nothing! Even if you do take them to a restaurant they're more than happy ordering just apps, and wont rack up a tab with the expensive boozy drinks. All in all, if you're looking for a boyfriend on a budget consider dating a dog!
3) The knot
Human parts are boring, embrace animal supremacy.
Are you a colorful person or more into darker tones? Do you plan out your day to day outfits depending on what color matches a "hursday vibe" or do you just grab the two top things on the clothes pile? Regardless of what you like, accessorizing with your partner is super easy! If you're fashion impared, one good collar can look great every day of the week! Figuring out what to wear has literally never been easier! Even a simple black collar and leash can look classy and refined. If you're more like me on the other hand and want to really pop, you can have a matching colored bandana for whatever palte you're choosing to break out that day. Patterns, designs, you can really go wild! Unlike your human partner, who may say very frustrating things like "blue isn't really my color" or "there's no way I can pull that off!" even when you know that the boldness is absolutely part of the statement. And that's not even the end of it! From cute little shoes to cute big costumes, you can deck out your partner in lots of ways! Just make sure that your parner is happy and comfortable they're wearing!
5) They wont hog the TV
I love horror movies. Something about feeling scared makes media enthralling to me. And you know who never complains when I want to watch horror movies three nights in a row? My canine partner! He's happy cuddling up and watching anything, so long as he's getting pets. Really, if anything, he wants to watch horror movies because it means he gets to cuddle extra hard. And yet, my human boyfriend wants to do things like watch comedies, or heartfelt happy movies.
He doesn't seem to understand that you only really get the chance to understand the deeper lore of the Hellraiser films if you watch them daily back to back. And it's not just movies either! I certainly didn't have to argue with my canine over who got to be the one to actually play Final Fantasy 16. Or, if I want to stay up an extra hour to just binge that next episode or take a few more stabs at the tricky boss, my dog never says things like "You really shouldn't you know you're going to be tired tomorrow" or even worse "Don't play/watch the next one without me"
6) They wont judge you
Do you want to just sit around naked on your day off and eat a whole tub of ice cream by yourself? Are you sometimes too lazy to cook and so eat frozen meals for a whole week straight? Have you ever tried to beat Melania from Elden Ring and it maybe takes you like a hundred tries but your boyfriend beat it in 50 even though their build was really overpowered at the time and got nerfed immediately after? That's right. Humans will judge you, and because of that judgement you're forced to judge yourself. My canine partner would never complain that I spent an hour in bed just laying there when we have "cleaning to do" He would never tell me that I shouldn't "Eat a second whole box of hot pockets" when I haven't eaten all day and dinner is still a whole hour away. Dogs, and animals in general, are loving and understanding, and only want what's best for you!
So there! That's 6 reasons why dating a loving amazing dog is way better than dating a gross lame human! Don't waste your time with two leggers at all, find yourself a partner who will actually treat you right.
(This is a joke, my relationship is fine,
Article written by Tarro (August 2023)
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