ON NOT SHARING A GRAMMAR

HELLO, AND THANK YOU FOR READING ANOTHER ARTICLE FROM ZOOEY DOT PUB, THE FIRST LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE FOR ZOOSEXUALS, BY ZOOSEXUALS. YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY NOTICED SOMETHING A BIT UNIQUE ABOUT THE WRITING IN THIS ARTICLE. SOMETHING THAT MAKES IT STAND OUT AS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT FROM OTHER ARTICLES. IF YOU HAVEN'T CLOCKED IT YET, THAT'S ALSO UNDERSTANDABLE, WE'RE STILL JUST ON THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. BUT, TO LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG, THE NOTABLE WRITING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS ARTICLE AND ALL THE OTHERS IS THAT THIS ARTICLE IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

WOULDN'T IT BE FUN IF ZOOEY DOT PUB STARTED PUBLISHING ALL OF ITS ARTICLES IN ALL CAPS?

OH, I'M NOT SHOUTING, BY THE WAY. I THINK THESE DAYS, A LOT OF PEOPLE READ ALL CAPS AS SHOUTING? I'M NOT SHOUTING. AS I TYPE THIS, MY KEYSTROKES ARE HITTING THE KEYBOARD GENTLY, GRACEFULLY, NOT-SHOUTILY. WELL, OKAY I'M A FAST TYPIST ACTUALLY, SO YES THE KEYSTROKES WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT ANNOYING IN LIKE, A QUIET LIBRARY, I PROBABLY WOULD BE BOTHERING PEOPLE IF I WAS TRYING TO TYPE THIS SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU COULD OTHERWISE HEAR A PIN DROP. BUT I'M NOT SHOUTING. AS YOU READ, PLEASE IMAGINE ME SPEAKING WITH MY CHIN GENTLY RESTING IN MY HAND, THE TWO OF US SEATED ACROSS A SMALL TABLE FROM ONE ANOTHER IN A COZY COFFEE-AND-PASTRIES JOINT. JUST THE TWO OF US HAVING A CONVERSATION AS I TELL YOU ABOUT A LITTLE IDEA ON MY MIND, RELATED TO ZOOSEXUALITY.

BASICALLY, I THINK THAT AS PEOPLE READ THIS, THERE ARE GOING TO BE TWO KINDS OF READERS. AND NEITHER IS WRONG, PER SE, BUT, I AM GOING TO BE BIASED ANYWAYS AND DO A COOL HIGH FIVE WITH ONLY ONE KIND OF READER, AND NOT THE OTHER.

ONE KIND OF READER, READING THIS ARTICLE, DOES NOT READ ME AS SHOUTING AT THIS POINT. I'VE SET THE SCENE, WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS CAPS BIT FOR A WHILE NOW, AND THEY ARE READING THIS IN A NORMAL, NON-SHOUTY TONE OF VOICE AT THIS POINT. THE TWO OF US ARE HANGING OUT AT OUR COZY TABLE, AND HAVING A FUN CONVERSATION, AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE THAT THIS ARTICLE IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS. THIS KIND OF READER HAS MAYBE EVEN READ OTHER DOCUMENTS THAT WERE IN ALL CAPS AS WELL. LIKE, IN SOME PROFESSIONAL FIELDS, THAT'S REALLY JUST A THING THAT HAPPENS SOMETIMES, IS SOMETHING THAT'S PAGES AND PAGES LONG IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS, BUT THE AUTHOR ISN'T SHOUTING.

THE OTHER KIND OF READER, READING THIS ARTICLE, CANNOT HELP BUT READ ME AS SHOUTING RIGHT NOW. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT WE'VE SET THE SCENE, AND I'VE MADE IT REALLY, REALLY APPARENT THAT I DON'T THINK I'M SHOUTING. TO THIS KIND OF READER, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT REGARDLESS OF MY PROMISES THAT I'M NOT SHOUTING, THEY STILL SEE THE CAPITAL LETTERS, AND THEY READ ME AS SHOUTING MY PROMISE THAT I'M NOT SHOUTING. THEY'VE LEARNED, FROM SOMEWHERE, MAYBE FROM THE INTERNET I DUNNO, THAT ALL CAPS MEANS SHOUTING. THERE IS NOTHING I COULD SAY OR DO FOR THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE THAT WOULD MAKE THIS KIND OF READER STOP READING THIS AS SHOUTING. THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE THIS READER STOP THINKING I'M SHOUTING IS IF I STARTED TYPING IN LOWERCASE LETTERS.

AND THAT'S KIND OF INTERESTING TO ME? I AM ONE PERSON, DOING ONE THING, BUT PEOPLE CAN TAKE IT TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAYS. TO ONE PERSON, I'M BEING ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY CASUAL RIGHT NOW, IF A BIT SILLY. TO ANOTHER PERSON, I REPRESENT A THREAT TO THEIR FEELING OF SAFETY, I AM BEING COMPLETELY AGGRESSIVE, I AM DOING SOMETHING EXTREMELY WEIRD AND EXTREMELY CONCERNING AND EXTREMELY UNACCEPTABLE.

SO, ZOOSEXUALITY, RIGHT?

I THINK IT'S INTERESTING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO I SHARE A SENSE OF GRAMMAR WITH, AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO I DO NOT SHARE A SENSE OF GRAMMAR WITH, BUT WHO I CAN UNDERSTAND... KIND OF... WHERE THEY'RE COMING FROM.

I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF HANGING OUT WITH A LOT OF ZOOS IN REAL LIFE, AND IT'S SO CASUAL TO GET TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHAT MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH DOGS IS. IT'S SO CASUAL TO REFER TO ROMANTIC PARTNERS, AND MEAN DOGS BY THAT, AND IT'S JUST IMMEDIATELY TAKEN AT FACE VALUE AS A NICE, NORMAL, CASUAL THING.

THERE ARE EVEN NON-ZOOS WHO GET THE GRAMMAR HERE VERY EASILY. IT'S NOT LIKE THE GRAMMAR OF ZOOSEXUALITY LIVES IN OUR BLOOD, AND CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD BY ZOOS AND ZOOS ALONE. I HAVE QUEER FRIENDS WHO AREN'T ZOOS, BUT WHO TOTALLY ALSO LISTEN TO ME TALKING ABOUT SOME EXTRA HAIRY HEAVY PETTING I GOT UP TO AND IT'S AS NORMAL TO THEM AS IF I WAS TALKING ABOUT SOME HUMAN-ON-HUMAN STUFF.

BUT THEN I GO TO TALK TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS WHO ARE NOT EVEN HATEFUL OF THE ZOO BIT BY ANY MEANS, BUT WHO JUST AREN'T AS CONVERSANT IN QUEER DIALOGUES. AND I CAN TELL THAT EVEN AS I'M TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING COOL AND FUN AND CASUAL... THEY THINK THAT I'M SHOUTING. I COULD TELL A STORY ABOUT GOING ON A CAMPING TRIP WITH MY MASTIFF BUDDY, AND HAVING A REALLY NICE DAY AND NIGHT IN THE FOREST TOGETHER, HANGING OUT BY THE CAMPFIRE, POKING AROUND IN THE WOODS, SHARING FOOD, AND AT SOME POINT GIVING HIM SOME HAND ACTION... AND THE PERSON I'M TALKING TO HEARS THE INFORMATION THAT I'M SAYING TO THEM, BUT THEY HEAR IT WITH ALARM BELLS, PANICKED VOLUMES, A FEELING LIKE I'M SAYING A THING THAT'S UNACCEPTABLY LOUDER THAN IT SHOULD BE AND I DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE I'M EVEN DOING IT, WHICH IS ALSO ALARMING TO THEM IN ITS OWN WAY.

AND I CAN KINDA ONLY IMAGINE TRYING TO CALMLY TALK ABOUT MY OOEY GOOEY QUEER ZOOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE TO LIKE A CHRISTIAN OR SOMETHING. SOMEONE WHO WOULD THINK I WAS SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS NO MATTER HOW GENTLE OF A VOCAL FRY I WAS CASUALLY FLOATING OUT TO THEM.

AND LIKE, I GUESS I GET IT. THAT CHRISTIAN COULD TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW GOOD IT IS THAT GOD GAVE US ANIMALS TO KILL, AND I WOULD BE LIKE, WOW YOU JUST SAID THAT LIKE YOU WERE SAYING NORMAL STUFF, NOT LIKE YOU'RE A CRAZY DANGEROUS PIECE OF SHIT.

IT'S A DIFFERENCE IN GRAMMAR, KIND OF. IT'S A DIFFERENCE IN A LOT OF THINGS. BUT PART OF IT IS JUST A DIFFERENCE IN HOW WE ALL TAKE IN WORDS. IT'S A DIFFERENCE IN WHAT KINDS OF WORDS, OR COMBINATIONS OF WORDS, STRIKE US AS NORMAL AND CASUAL BECAUSE WE'RE USED TO WORDS BEING SAID TO US THAT ARE LIKE THAT, OR WHICH ONES RUB US IN A COMPLETELY-NOT-APPRECIATED WAY.

AND LIKE, MAYBE OVER TIME, WE CAN ALL JUST LEARN TO SPEAK EACH OTHER'S LANGUAGES. BECAUSE I'M NOT SHOUTING. I'M A SILLY LITTLE CUDDLY CRITTER FULL OF LOVE FOR ANIMAL KIND. AND MAYBE IT TAKES A LOT OF HEARING ME SAY THAT BEFORE SOMEONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS THAT I'M NOT SHOUTING IT. I'M JUST HERE. I'M JUST LIVING MY DOG-CENTRIC AND RATHER PEACEFUL LIFE.




ARTICLE WRITTEN BY 7777777 (MAY 2026)

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