Fluidity in Attraction

Hypocrisy is not defined as the ability to change your mind. It's okay to like comedy movies, but then one day notice that you're really in the mood to watch a zombie movie. It's okay to think coffee is undrinkably bitter and repulsive, and then a few years later find that you like to have a cup of coffee before you've had breakfast in the morning. It's okay for the occasional outlier to jump out from your usual tastes, and it's also okay for your usual tastes to evolve more permanently.
As someone who is pansexual, I can pretty easily be watching a TV show and say to my girlfriend, "Wow, the guy and the woman who play the lead characters in this are both very hot." I don't ever find myself disliking someone's appearance based on whether they look male or female. That said, if I'm looking up hot people on Google, for... reasons... I usually make a choice to either look up male people or female people, or both together, depending on my mood. Sometimes I want to see women kiss! Sometimes that's not what I'm in the mood for and I would rather see a woman kiss a man! Sometimes it will be weeks or months of mostly wanting to see heterosexual content, and then the pendulum swings back and I'll find myself more frequently looking up homosexual content again.
When I'm in a prolonged "looking at heterosexual content" mood, it doesn't mean that I've stopped being pansexual. I haven't lost my ability to watch a TV show and notice the hot people of any gender. And it doesn't mean that my partner of the same gender no longer does anything for me: she's always great no matter what. Looking up heterosexual content doesn't mean that I've stopped loving her, it doesn't mean that I've stopped respecting her, and it doesn't mean that I no longer find her attractive. There in person, the fact that she is who she is matters more than whether she has X part or Y part.
Another thing about myself that I haven't mentioned, besides the fact that I'm pansexual, is that I'm zoosexual too. I'm not zoo exclusive: Just like I think men and women and all in between are hot, I'm also pretty into humans and horses and whatever kind of furry you can draw in between those two, too.
And, just like my interests in different genders are never gone, but do have times when they're in fuller force, it's the same with my attraction to humans vs horses. Sometimes I'd like to see two humans together. Other times, a stock photo of a Friesian is everything I want. And other times, well, I'm not a stranger to some Telegram video-sharing chats that lie behind some beaded curtains, so to speak.
Pansexuality and non-exclusive zoosexuality are very core to my attractions. "Stallions," "Mares," "Chris Hemsworth," and "Natalie Portman" are all very strong yes's for me any day of the week, even if on Tuesday I might be a bit more interested in looking at one of them and then Wednesday I might feel a bit more like another.
Conversely, there are some things I know I'm not into. Loud dogs like chihuahuas, I'm sorry to tell them, are not in my fantasies. I am not a chihuahuasexual. There are also some attractions that are more like blips on the radar: feet, I know that some people want feet or nothing, but personally I take them about the same as any other body part. I would seldom go out of my way to see feet pictures, but I'm not going to pour gasoline all over my tablet and light a match if a close up on some toes gives me funny feelings.
I haven't meant to go on for so long about myself in this. This is not a dating profile, after all. What I am trying to get at is that you don't have to feel bad if attractions aren't set in stone for you. Sometimes I see people say things like, "I'm not a zoosexual, but I keep thinking about dogs sexually and I feel so guilty about it because that's not what I am." And if that's you, I want you to know that there doesn't have to be shame either way.
Maybe it's true that dogs aren't for you, and you are just having obsessive thoughts, the same way that someone with Tourette's doesn't actually mean all of the swear words that come into their head.
Or, maybe dogs aren't your main thing, but they are a blip on the radar sometimes: that's okay too. I wouldn't consider myself a foot fetishist for occasionally seeing toes that I think are cute, and you don't have to be a zoosexual for occasionally seeing a Dalmatian that you think is handsome. There are a lot of dogs out there: it would be surprising if some weren't a little handsome!
Or finally, maybe dogs kind of are a core thing for you, but it still fluctuates, so sometimes you can't get enough thoughts of attractive dogs, and other times you're not feeling that way, and you think back and go, "What was I thinking? I can't believe I would feel that way." But having inconsistent feelings isn't anything to beat yourself up over. I think it's normal and kind of refreshing.
I wouldn't want to eat the same oatmeal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I wouldn't want to watch the same movie every night and nothing else. Variety is a good thing! And I think that having attractions that are fluid is not a curse, but a blessing.
Article written by Lady Bay (August 2023)
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