For as long as there has been zoo discourse in the furry fandom, there has been one subset of people flying by under the radar, free from any scrutiny of their actions. Now look, I love this subset of people - the best romantic relationships of my life have been with these people - but this is a topic that we can’t keep sweeping under the rug. If we want to make progress, we have to get the skeletons out of our closet. The fact of the matter is, it takes two to tango, and being a dog is kinda zoophilic.
Ever had a dog try to hump you before? Boom, zooey dog right there. You can try to act like it’s something else: “Oh it’s just about dominance,” “Oh he just wants to play,” “Oh we tried to train him not to do that.” Frankly, these excuses only make it zooier and kinkier. ‘Dominance’ as in dom/sub dynamics? ‘Play’ with anyone who comes by like some kind of interspecies hookup culture? ‘Training him not to do that’ as in putting him through conversion therapy to be less zooey? The cards are on the table folks. Let’s call a spade a spade.
In our modern culture of neutering, some of this behavior has been dampened, as certain humans (well meaning, I’m sure they would tell you) try to obscure the zooiness of being a dog. It’s entirely possible that a lot of humans these days have actually not spent any time at all in a household with a large-breed male dog who still has his balls. These humans go about their entire lives thinking of dogs as shin-to-waist-high quadrupeds whose only interests are chaste activities like eating food or chasing tennis balls or huffing each other’s butt smells.
Well as someone who has spent time around large dogs who still had their balls, let me tell you, those boys consider their humans to be part of the family, and they do not have the same cultural ideas about incest as humans do. If you’re hanging around with an intact stud dog who thinks you’re receptive, then odds are pretty good that you’ll find out what it’s like for 100 pounds of canine muscle to grab you by the leg and begin sussing out your interest in doing the horizontal mambo with him.
And it’s certainly not only male dogs who are zoophiles. We only start there because their body language is harder to awkwardly look away from. But if you’ve spent time preening over an intact lady dog who thinks that you’re a well behaved human, then it’s very possible you’ve been flagged by her and didn’t even realize it. She might not have been backing herself up into you for butt scratches alone (though those were probably nice too and she probably did appreciate them).
Before we try to dismiss these things as dogs just being pent up and only having humans as outlets, we have to examine the surrounding facts as well.
Fact #1: You can have multiple dogs around each other and they will still be interested in a human.
Fact #2: Any vagina haver or semen producer can run experiments about what dogs are interested in licking, and learn that many dogs aren’t just in it for their own genital stimulation alone. (Please be respectful towards nonhumans in these experiments and consult a human zoophile if you have any questions.)
Fact #3: It ain’t just about prostituting themselves for food either, dogs may regularly exhibit all of this behavior towards a human who does not ‘own’ them and has never shown any means of providing for them.
The case may as well be closed at this point, but to drive home one more piece of evidence, let’s take a look at what dogs really are to begin with.
Sometime between 30 years ago and 100,000,000,000 years ago, the dogs that we know and love today went by a different alias: “Wolves.” These wolves were not very interested in humans. Most of them weren’t, anyways. But then a few wolves (let’s say somewhere between .5% and 5%) decided to see if humans were cool after all, and those wolves and those humans started hanging out, and as time went on it became the case that these wolves (or “dogs”, now) wanted to live around humans and be part of human families. These dogs took on many different shapes and sizes, to help humans with human work or to be visually pleasing to human aesthetics.
But just how did these wolves become so many different breeds of human-obsessed dogs? I won’t get into all of the details here, but if you want to see how dogs are bred then you don’t have to go to the dark web: you can look it up on YouTube, and see many examples of humans with their faces fully in frame as they put on gloves and start tugging and prodding on dog genitalia. I don’t know about you, but having your entire genealogy since wolves being predicated on another species touching your junk makes it sound like you might have a bit of a thing for cross-species sexual activity.
At the end of the day, I hope this doesn’t come across as a “call out” on dogs, but more as an acknowledgement that humans aren’t the only zoophiles on the planet - statistically it would be very remarkable if we were. Humans are individuals who have their own unique interests, and sometimes those interests may seem very strange to other humans. The same is true of all animals. Value judgments aside, when you get down to it there are some humans who are aroused by canine features like the shape of their faces, their paws, or their teeth, just as much as there are canines who find themselves aroused by human scents or those crazy things that humans can do with their hands.
But when you really do look at it being a dog is pretty zoophilic.
Article written by an anonymous author (September 2022)
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